Here's how the whole thing went down on Monday. The vet arrived around 1:30pm with her husband. Everyone headed upstairs since that is where my brother wanted to have it done. The upstairs area has windows all over so it was quiet, had sunlight flooding in and a nice breeze coming through, was just peaceful all around.

Jack was laying comfortably on a little bed thing and blankets while everyone was keeping him company. The vet explained how the process works, its basically a morphine shot to make him doze off, followed up by the final shot that puts him to sleep. So throughout the process he doesn't feel any pain or anything, just that cuddly heroine warmth druggies enjoy.

The vet asked if were were ready to begin and everyone agreed it was time, so she injected the morphine. Within a minute he was back to his old self again. No heavy breathing, no pain, just laid back with his goofy toothy grin hanging out like the old days. It was so nice to see him have a chance to be like that again even for just a little while.

As he was slowly dozing off the vet shaved a small patch of fur off a rear leg for the final shot. She then showed me how all his different issues lead to this point. The veins in his legs were tiny and not getting enough blood to the muscles, that combined with the arthritis, the spinal issues and so on. She was saying their office won't put a pet to sleep unless it really is the compassionate thing to do based on the health of the pet. The place we go to has a network to find homes for pets that people couldn't afford to care for or didn't want to keep caring for, so if someone asks to have their pet put to sleep but the pet can be rehabilitated and still have a good life, they'll find someone to take the pet and make it happen.

They were saying even though it was a hard decision, that it was the right thing to do so he wouldn't have to linger with all these issues. Then they explained how its common for dogs to hide their pain and injuries from their owner, how they will keep pushing and fighting through everything just for the sake of their owner. And looking back that's exactly what he was doing. As his health declined, everything he did kept taking more and more effort on his part until he had to rely on me to help him. It reminded me of that line from Firefly, "If you can't run, you walk, and if you can't walk, you crawl. And if you can't do that, you find someone to carry you."

The time came for the final shot. Everyone said their final goodbyes to him, stroked his fur for the last time, and gave him a hug. At this point even the vet started crying, then buried her face on his fur and gave him a hug. The two of them got along really well over the years and she liked him a lot. Even her husband started to tear up. It just really showed what kind of a dog he was, everyone that met him fell in love with him. Over the years, even people who were genuinely afraid of dogs came to like spending time him around him. He really was something special.

The vet then gave him the final injection. His eyes were still half open in a drowsy state from the morphine and we were just staring at each other. I did the thing I usually do when I'd try to get him to go to sleep, where I slowly close my eyes and he'd imitate me. So he slowly closed his eyes with me and went into the deeper sleep. Then the vet put on a stethoscope to monitor his heartbeat, and about 3 minutes later he was gone.

Everyone sat in silence for awhile and then it was time for them to take him away. They vet and her husband gently wrapped him in a blanket thing like an eskimo child, put him on a stretcher and carried him out to their SUV. And that was the end of what happened.

About 30 minutes later you could see black skies over the ocean with lightning firing off non-stop. The storm soon rolled in and lasted all night. Just heavy rain, lightning and loud thunder shaking everything. Got calls and texts from people trying to be supportive and they kept bringing up the same sentiment, "this storm is the sound of your heart breaking," which was somewhat poignant the first time but got annoying after awhile. Then I turned notifications off on my phone, turned off all the chat and gaming programs and just tried to disappear for a little while to deal with things on my own.

Knowing that he can finally rest and not have to keep struggling just for me took some of the edge off of everything. But there is still a lingering sadness and longing to see him around. When I was cooking food I found myself still making a small plate for him and when I ordered pizza I caught myself taking off the jalapenos to have a slice ready for him, then remembering he was gone. Tried gaming a bit but every couple minutes or so I'd look over to my side to check on him, then its like "...oh :(". Even using the water cooler to make a cup of tea I'd look down the hallway to where his bed used to be, expecting to see him taking a nap in the distance. We were tied together, everything I did, he did and vice versa, so it's really strange having that missing now. It was such a strong bond that didn't take any extra effort to make it work, we just fit. Never yelled at him, never got mad at him, we just got along and it worked out.

We even had our own sign language so I didn't have to tell him what to do. I'd make a gesture and he'd know to sit, stand, lay down, move out the way, meet me in the kitchen for a snack and so on. It was funny seeing other people try to talk to him to get him to do things, then I'd just do a hand gesture and off he went.

Whenever i was sick or injured he'd come check on me every 15-20minutes minutes to see how I was doing. And in the middle of the night I'd hear him push my door open, then he'd go to sleep on the floor next to me. When he was sick or injured I'd build a desk out of pillows on the floor next to his bed and just work on my laptop while keeping him company until he got better.

If I had a bad day he'd come over and put his head on my leg and make a sad sound while looking up at me and try to cheer me up. If I was bummed out about something and laying in bed he'd jump onto the bed and rest his head on my chest to keep me company too.

Everyday I'd come home from college or work he would be waiting at the driveway gate for me to pull up. When i stepped outside of the car he'd spin around all excited, then when I closed the door he would dart off into the house. You'd hear a loud smack as he bolted through the doggy door and the sound of his claws on the wood floor running through the house. I'd open the front door and he'd jump up on me, then I'd drop whatever I was holding and roll around on the floor with him, and we'd lay on the floor for awhile just wasting time together.

In the mornings when I'd head to school he would jump into the passenger seat while I was loading up the car, and it became a whole thing trying to teach him that I have to leave for awhile but I'll be home later, so don't worry.

In the mornings when I'd head to work he would lay down blocking the front door so I couldn't leave, I ended up setting aside some extra time to play with him a little bit before heading to work.